"Still, the longer I was around her, the more I could see the colours of her mind and the recesses of her heart. There was a beast in there. But there was also a girl who was afraid of being a beast, and who wondered if other people had beasts in their hearts too. There was strength, and there was also just the determination to look strong. She guarded herself like a secret."
Jodi Lynn Anderson, Tiger Lily (via aestheticintrovert)
"My only relief is to sleep. When I’m sleeping, I’m not sad, I’m not angry, I’m not lonely, I’m nothing."
Jillian Medoff, Hunger Point (via durianquotes)
"I just want to be better now. I am having such a hard time putting on brave face and pretending that I am okay everyday. I really, really just want to be better right now.
Each appointment, doctor or test, I can’t help but think “this will be the day, or the doctor that changes my life.” But time after time that tiny irrational bit of hope, is lead to disappointment. You think you would get use to it, but you don’t, because you never get use to the pain or being sick. You learn to adapt and cope with it, but there will always be days when the unfamiliarity of your life hits you, and you just can’t wrap your head around the fact that this is your life. YOUR life."
Whitney Homer (via asecondchancetoliveonce)
I know what it’s like to intellectually know that what you’re doing is unhealthy, and to know that theoretically, it could all be solved quite easily. But then you look in the mirror and break down in tears, because you can’t stand how repugnant you are.
Knowing something to be true intellectually is very different from knowing it in your heart and feeling it to be true. You might know that you should forgive yourself, learn to accept yourself, and love yourself, but until you feel it deep within, nothing will change."
Sometimes the bottom falls out of our lives. People leave us. Precious certainties are yanked away. We lose our health, our money, our gifts, our faith, our familiar surroundings, our trust. All the truths that we thought we could believe in forever suddenly depart us with no warning. The ground that we always knew was solid under our feet turns out to have been nothing but a trap door all along. (And then there’s another trap door under that one.) We disappoint ourselves. We are disappointed by others. We get dead lost. We are no longer recognizable to ourselves when we look in the mirror. It all falls to ruin.
And that, my friends, is when things start to get really interesting.
This is the chapter of life that Joseph Campbell called “The Dark Night of the Soul” — and it’s a necessary step in every hero’s journey. It’s also the hardest thing in the world. Nobody ever chooses to stand in this place; it just happens to you. And you will often see later that it needed to happen to you, if you were to ever become more than a mere passenger on Earth. Because this dark place is where you must decide whether to die or live. You cannot go back to what you knew, because what you knew is a pile of smoking rubble. You cannot stay where you are, because where you are is a bleak shroud of despair. You can only move forward into the absolute unknown. And the only way to move forward is to change."